27 May 2005

Wing wang

Boy, did those kids have my number today.

Well, in Japan, any picture of the primary sexual charactertics of either the male or female human species is strictly prohibitted. This includes all images, everywhere. Pretty silly I think as I was watching a Beato Takeshi film last night and the scene in which Beato Takeshi kicks the shit out of this guy in the public bath, Beato Takeshi's wing wang is covered by a black dot. I asked my Japanese teacher about this and she didn't understand what I was talking about. I drew a picture of a stick man with a black dot over his wing-wang and said, *No wing-wang.* She just laughed and told me it was required by law. I said, *That's ridiculous. Why can't I see Beato Takeshi's wing-wang? I'm a grown man.* and she said, *What's a wing-wang?*

25 May 2005

Six things

  1. I might be getting a new computer. That's the tops.
  2. Those kids today, they sucked. But we're done now, I think.
  3. Age Bingo, you suck too.
  4. I need to get a friend a birthday gift and I don't know what to get.
  5. You write so well at night, but in the morning, only about a third of it can be used. I need a computer.
  6. This new computer will have a very wide screen. I am thinking about using it to tape a sumo tournament, then making a highlight DVD with my own commentary.

22 May 2005

The Sea of Japan is close

Because the Sea of Japan was close, we walked: rice fields, then over the hill, Satomi stopping to take a cell phone call--and when we came, down through the dune, it was a kind of metaphor for itself: the sea is a metaphor for itself and Neal drank Jack and chaser, Satomi and I ran through surf giving way to surf until the cops came.

20 May 2005

A duck

You know what makes my day? Matsuhama Elementary School has a duck.

18 May 2005

Descretion business

You know you've been in Japan too long when you get $200 in unexpected bills and think, *Well, that's not too bad.*

So this Quaran descretion business, I'll weigh in:
  1. Why are we so surprised that some guys might have flushed a Quaran down the toilet? Does anyone remember the pictures of the dude with the bag over his head and this balls wired to a car battery? The Times (that liberal rag) reported yesterday that this is not the first time this sort of thing has happened anyway and complaints go back two years. 
  2. I like how the White House is all pissed and shaking their heads and saying, *This is serious. People DIED in those protests.* Since when does the White House care about 15 dead civilians? How many times have you read a story that says, *Eight Marines were killed. There was not an immediate civilian count, the Pentagon said.* We aren't counting civilian bodies. Or better yet: *This hurts our reputation abroad.* Yes, well, we threw that down the crapper a while ago. I thought we didn't care about our reputation as long as we are punishing evil-doers.  
  3. On the other side, I'll take a more sympathetic look at Pakistan's or Iran's call for *human rights* when they stop making laws about what or where you may or may not wear/ say/ do/ go based on what is found betwixt your legs. You can't cry human rights and then not let the ladies go to the football game. Ridiculous.
There. Let's have some good-spirited opinion-bashing.

10 May 2005

Teach them to speak English yourselves

Friends, lovers:

With my computer broken, all I feel like doing is bemoaning my broken computer. Oh, how I hate that my computer is broken. Oh this, oh that.

Also, today, these kids had it in for me. Like 40 of them. I lost control of a class for the second time in my career as an ALT. There was nothing that could be done. I just sat back and watched while the teacher (who I swear checked his balls at the door) passively tried to quiet the children. My rule: the kids get physical with the dude in a mean-spirited way, I am out of the game. Teach them to speak English yourselves.

Now that I got that off my chest, I can talk about how great it feels to pay of student debt. I paid off all my student debt yesterday. Now, I am going to swap my old TV for a newer, bigger one and then start saving for grad. school. It never ends.

I'm also thinking a little bit about getting a *nice* sofa (that being from Tokyo Interior rather than the second-hand store). That's right. Just call me Nancy Homemaker.

Other than that, I have a headache and am supposed to give a three to five minute speech on the school TV about how Japanese schools differ from American schools. This is a problem because A) I didn't prepare anything and never do really well speaking the Japanese off the cuff and B) I never went to elementary school so I can't really comment. Everything I know about school I learned from *Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing* and those Ramona books.

*Are you there God, it's me Margret* tried to teach me about the menstrual cycle, but I was just confused as to why the book ended with Margret getting her period. This perplexed me: How does one *get* a period? Grammar is certainly spell-binding, I thought, especially when you find it in your underwear. I was disappointed to later learn it was just a bunch of blood and junk.

Well, maybe that went too far.

08 May 2005

The past

Though Barry Bonds list of going problems may include tax fraud, my list includes my computer dying. That's right, my computer died.

But how can you not love this:


From Bob Kurtz.

Haven't had enough: Well, I have.

06 May 2005

人気

A kid just asked me if I was 人気 (or popular) in America. I didn't know what 人気 was so the teacher asked if I had many fans in America. I said that I didn't think so. Unless I can count Timmy. Can I count Timmy?
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