01 February 2009

Am I gay?

What follows is both hilarious and offensive. Viewer discretion is encouraged.

Some of you have been wondering, asking the question, 'Am I gay?' Well, I put this chart together to help you out.
Am I gay

If you haven't heard, Ted Haggard has declared himself 'straight with issues' and not fitting into any of the 'boxes' of sexuality. Is he gay? No! Is he straight? No! Is he a bi-sexual? No! Is he bi-curious? No! He doesn't fit into any of the boxes! Ted lives in a post-sexual box world where being gay is still wrong, but having compulsive gay sex doesn't make you gay. And he also wants all to know that it's not 'demons' that are making people gay. Watch out, Ted, at this rate, pretty soon people are going to stop believing in unicorns too.

Anyway, I say, give yourself a round of applause, Ted, you are the first person to ever feel that way, and now, thanks to you and your keen insight we can begin to see sexuality in shades of grey. You really are, truly, a visionary.

Okay, okay, let's get serious, although I find it hard to get serious after watching a pastor parade himself and his wife around the television talking about how complicated his sexuality is. ST, friend of the show, made this important comment on my Facebook page:
Here's my theory: if you think that being called gay is a horrible accusation, then you have lost the privilege to live on the fine line between "engaging in compulsive gay sex" and "gay." It ceases to be a meaningful distinction when you're claiming one because you're too homophobic to admit to the other.
One box Ted is still excited to be in is the Fundamentalist Evangelical box, and I have a memo for him. You are the people who made these boxes, Ted. You can't have it both ways.
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