17 April 2010

The loneliness of a long distance runner

Every spring/ summer I have the same series of thoughts:
  1. Ugh, I've gotten fat again over the winter. I feel bloated.
  2. No matter, I will diet a bit and exercise a bit and get it under control.
  3. Not like last year though! I will not obsess about it or weigh myself or count calories or think about how long I am running.
  4. No! I am above that.
  5. Whew, what a great run. I wonder how far I went?
  6. I feel like I've lost a little weight. Perhaps I should weigh myself just once to see.
  7. Another nice run. I wonder how far it was: I'll do the calculation for it on mapmyrun, just once.
  8. You know, just to see.
  9. THREE MILES?! I only went three miles in a half hour?
  10. I'm a fat ass. Must run more.
  11. Okay, seven miles in an hour. Better. That's better.
  12. Let's map another run for tomorrow and then a longer one for next week.
  13. My weight on Tuesday was less than Monday, but not less than Friday of last week.
  14. At this rate, I will be at my goal weight in three weeks and four days.
  15. And then I can go for the perfect running body, something I've never achieved!
And so on and so on until I go crazy.

Once I run the equivalent of a marathon and drop below 80 kgs., I will have it out of my system, I think. God help me until then.

I should say, though, running long distances, somewhere between hour two and hour three, I really have a vision of the world as it should be. The runner's high or whatever, but things make perfect sense and I can't even feel my body anymore. Certainly worth getting into running, if just for that.
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