My freedom, my in-between time is waning. I finished my French yesterday morning, finished my initial transcription of all my YouTube data in the afternoon, dressed up more than I needed to and went to a party for my supervisor in the evening (a litre of ale in an hour is a bit much, but I love those walks home), and went home to nothing to do. I got up this morning, made breakfast, made lunch, made coffee, talked Naomi into going to school with her mom, and I left for a long walk to school. Fifty-five minutes in the sun. The sky was sky blue (I was listening to Wilco). I got to work, wrote a couple of emails, had coffee with a good friend and colleague. Talked about the future. Had lunch. Read some. Listened to Christopher Hitchens talk about foreign policy.
This has been an ideal day off for me. Day off in the sense that I have had nothing pressing in on me, no deadlines. Soon, I will have a flood of essays from Birmingham to mark. I had to edit and work on my syllabuses for Middlesex, those classes starting two weeks from tomorrow. But I feel like I am turning the corner. A post tomorrow about the ending of two years of my studies, the halfway point. But today, I feel like a kid on a swing at the highest point, right before starting to fall back again. I am weightless and in the sky, above everything. I can just barely feel the world starting to pull me back.
Yoko and I had our yearly, we probably should do some financial planning, conversation. It’s hard when you don’t know where you’re going to be in two years and have four different kinds of currency. Hard is the wrong way to put it: difficult to work out. But we did a little bit of shuffling here and there. We have more or less weathered the recession: things seem to have gotten as bad as they will get about a year ago. The good news is, when you have different currency, you can always trade ahead if you are patient. And you just wait. A lot of our financial plan relies on waiting and not trying to make money quickly, ever. 2.5-3% annually. I think it’s a good plan. Ask me in ten years.
16 September 2010
Maintainance
Obviously, I was a bit naive about my ending of the diet. It's like this, I have been killing it from both ends to lose weight: diet and exercise. Most of August and up to last week, I was making daily losses of between 1,000 and 1,500 kCals, sometimes more. I thought that I would be able to get back to eating normal amounts of food, but it's pretty clear that I need to ease back into it, especially if I'm not going to be running three times a week (which I don't think I will, given that I think my body needs a little recovery time). I am still riding my bike to and from work, giving me another 500-600 kCals to include in my diet, but I think I need to ease back into it. I was back up to 75.7 yesterday, although that seems to have been a high peak, but I would still like high highs to be more in the high 74 range. My rolling average is at about 75.8 and has dropped (albeit very slowly) everyday, so as that is the number I really should be watching, I can't complain. So yesterday and today I am back to a 2,000-2,200 kCal intake, giving me a loss of between 600-800 kCals. Hopefully this will help me ease down to the high 74s while I figure out how to stay the same weight, with some fluctuation. I'm not really sure how much I should expect to fluctuate, really, but my guess is that will become clear in the next month or so.
Boring, I apologise.
I had my last French class last night and took a mock final, which I did okay on. I just have to be able to reproduce it come the actual final. I have all the questions. I know exactly what's going to happen: she's going to ask me very simple questions about my family and I have to do a role play. You're allowed to lie if it makes it easier. It's sort of like this, here's a good analogy: speaking French is like playing football (the world variety). You have to do all these things to be a good footballer. This class, however, has focused on kicking the ball into the net. The whole time we have stood in front of an open net and tried to kick the ball in. For the final, for the first time, there will be a goalkeeper, but the goalkeeper, before you take the shot, will tell you which way they will jump. 'Look, I'm going to go left, all you have to do is put it in the right side, okay?' And last night we had a practice. 'Okay, Stephen, just kick it in the right side.' And I went up and took a big kick and the ball went down the centre very, very slowly, almost making it across the line. My teacher, the goalkeeper in this analogy, said, 'Okay good shot, you can come up and kick it the rest of the way in.'
I keep wanting to tell people, you know I speak Japanese quite well. Quite well. They're like, yeah, yeah, why can't you pronounce vous aimez, you idiot.
Boring, I apologise.
I had my last French class last night and took a mock final, which I did okay on. I just have to be able to reproduce it come the actual final. I have all the questions. I know exactly what's going to happen: she's going to ask me very simple questions about my family and I have to do a role play. You're allowed to lie if it makes it easier. It's sort of like this, here's a good analogy: speaking French is like playing football (the world variety). You have to do all these things to be a good footballer. This class, however, has focused on kicking the ball into the net. The whole time we have stood in front of an open net and tried to kick the ball in. For the final, for the first time, there will be a goalkeeper, but the goalkeeper, before you take the shot, will tell you which way they will jump. 'Look, I'm going to go left, all you have to do is put it in the right side, okay?' And last night we had a practice. 'Okay, Stephen, just kick it in the right side.' And I went up and took a big kick and the ball went down the centre very, very slowly, almost making it across the line. My teacher, the goalkeeper in this analogy, said, 'Okay good shot, you can come up and kick it the rest of the way in.'
I keep wanting to tell people, you know I speak Japanese quite well. Quite well. They're like, yeah, yeah, why can't you pronounce vous aimez, you idiot.
Two years
Tomorrow marks our two year anniversary in England. Last year I felt like this was an acheivement: that we had succeeded at something. The second year has been much less of a struggle for a lot of reasons. I'm looking forward to another year here, although mindful that the end is now slowly coming into view...
Anyway, some pictutres of the last year.
Anyway, some pictutres of the last year.
15 September 2010
Reorganisation
I am trying to get two things done: the first is studying for my French speaking final. This will happen in two weeks, and once it is done, my French studying dream will come to a less then illustrious ending. I think, baring some complete meltdown, that I should be able to pass without too much trouble. I just have to get the studying done which, although it is annoying, is more bearable knowing the end is very close at hand. I need to go back to France, yes, but this doesn't seem to be in the cards for now. Oh well: we have a class tonight which I will attend and hopefully leave ready to take the final.
The second thing I have to do, which is much more tangible and ends with me having money in my pocket, is writing my syallbuses for my classes at Middlesex this year. I went to the library today to get the set books for the new class I am teaching: Empirical Studies of English. As this course is essentially an introduction to Discourse Analysis, I feel like I have all these opinions about the topic, which, surprisingly, is making it more complicated to put together. I can't just teach someone else's curriculum.
Yesterday, Naomi opened a car door in the wind and nailed this Benz we were parked next to. I actually wasn't with Yoko and the girls when it happened as I was riding my bike: I met them in Tesco and Yoko told me what had happened and asked me what to do. It was on the passenger back door, so the driver wouldn't have noticed it until much later. We went into the store and I was like, Probably you should leave a note. So Yoko when out there, and I was hoping they had already left. They hadn't and Yoko met the driver, who was extremely kind, it sounded like, but still took Yoko's card and said she would contact us. I am expecting a £300-£500 bill (they called and said it was 'minor' damage and they were getting a quote, probably less than £200?), given that the car was new and they will likely take it to a dealer to get fixed. That's worst case scenario. Best is that they do nothing, their insurance covers it, and we put it behind us.
In the five minutes we were in the store trying to decide what to do, we had a moral dilemma about it. Most likely they wouldn't have noticed and we would have gotten away with it. Nobody saw except Yoko. But, in the end, I felt much, much better about owning up to it. Money is just money, right: sleeping with a light conscience is much better. I did do a best case/ worst case scenario analysis when it happened though and imagined the worst case of not saying anything and having the person call the police, look at CCTV footage, get our license plate number, etc. Very, very unlikely, but a very bad outcome, I imagine.
Right decisions seem to be abundant this week. Let's hope they pay off. My conscience is clear and my wife is happy though, so perhaps I am reaping the good Karma as I write this.
I said to Yoko last night, that what I like, what I want the most, is to be going somewhere that I want to go. It gives me the most joy to think about next Tuesday when I will be on a train to Coventry for a talk at the U of Warwick. And then on Wednesday to King's College for another talk. And then next month when I get to go to London every week. Or going to Malaga. The anticipation of moving and going somewhere desirable really floats my metaphorical boat for some reason. And to do so wearing a bowtie? Well, there is nothing better.
The second thing I have to do, which is much more tangible and ends with me having money in my pocket, is writing my syallbuses for my classes at Middlesex this year. I went to the library today to get the set books for the new class I am teaching: Empirical Studies of English. As this course is essentially an introduction to Discourse Analysis, I feel like I have all these opinions about the topic, which, surprisingly, is making it more complicated to put together. I can't just teach someone else's curriculum.
Yesterday, Naomi opened a car door in the wind and nailed this Benz we were parked next to. I actually wasn't with Yoko and the girls when it happened as I was riding my bike: I met them in Tesco and Yoko told me what had happened and asked me what to do. It was on the passenger back door, so the driver wouldn't have noticed it until much later. We went into the store and I was like, Probably you should leave a note. So Yoko when out there, and I was hoping they had already left. They hadn't and Yoko met the driver, who was extremely kind, it sounded like, but still took Yoko's card and said she would contact us. I am expecting a £300-£500 bill (they called and said it was 'minor' damage and they were getting a quote, probably less than £200?), given that the car was new and they will likely take it to a dealer to get fixed. That's worst case scenario. Best is that they do nothing, their insurance covers it, and we put it behind us.
In the five minutes we were in the store trying to decide what to do, we had a moral dilemma about it. Most likely they wouldn't have noticed and we would have gotten away with it. Nobody saw except Yoko. But, in the end, I felt much, much better about owning up to it. Money is just money, right: sleeping with a light conscience is much better. I did do a best case/ worst case scenario analysis when it happened though and imagined the worst case of not saying anything and having the person call the police, look at CCTV footage, get our license plate number, etc. Very, very unlikely, but a very bad outcome, I imagine.
Right decisions seem to be abundant this week. Let's hope they pay off. My conscience is clear and my wife is happy though, so perhaps I am reaping the good Karma as I write this.
I said to Yoko last night, that what I like, what I want the most, is to be going somewhere that I want to go. It gives me the most joy to think about next Tuesday when I will be on a train to Coventry for a talk at the U of Warwick. And then on Wednesday to King's College for another talk. And then next month when I get to go to London every week. Or going to Malaga. The anticipation of moving and going somewhere desirable really floats my metaphorical boat for some reason. And to do so wearing a bowtie? Well, there is nothing better.
13 September 2010
End
Well, I'm back from Aberdeen. I'm also done with my diet, I think. Here are the charts:
Not entirely sure what to do now, but it's a whole new world.
Time Period | Total Weight Change (kg) | Weekly Weight Change Rate (kg) | Daily Calorie Deficit/Excess |
---|---|---|---|
1 Week |
1.3
|
1.3
|
1465
|
30 Days |
5.5
|
1.3
|
1442
|
All Time |
8.4
|
0.0
|
3
|
Not entirely sure what to do now, but it's a whole new world.
12 September 2010
Aberdeen Trip, Day 5
I am out of my room, my shoes are off, and I am sitting in the television room of Crombie Hall, enjoying my Internet password, as well as electricity from the university. I should get up and go to the city to have lunch and do something, but I'm out of energy at this point after having walked up to the river just now to see the sea lions sunning themselves. They were, in fact, sunning themselves. I don't think I have ever seen a sea lion in the wild before. Now, I have. I have also seen men in kilts and heard the bagpipes a couple of times. Come on Scotland: you're playing into the stereotypes!
I am thinking about going to see a film, but I'm not sure there's really anything I want to see. Perhaps I will just go to a corporate coffee shop and drink coffee and read. I need to get some souvenirs for the girls as well. Hopefully I can do that at the supermarket.
Being near the sea has been nice. It smells so good. In Matsuhama, I lived a ten minute walk from the sea and hardly ever went. Same in Fukuoka. While in Aberdeen, I've been twice a day. I like the sense one gets looking at the sea. Cannot be explained. We need to go out there with the kids sooner rather than later.
Tomorrow, Naomi goes back to school and hopefully we will have much less drama. I am going to take her all three times this week. No drama with Dad.
There's a really nice shopping centre at Union Square. I went to the Apple Store and saw all the new iPods. Amazing. I also went to Zara and this other really cool clothing store that I had never seen before, but was playing the killers. I was looking for a scarf: I found the one I wanted at Zara, but as it was £19, I kept looking and ended up with something nice from TK Maxx. Brownish and thin, but huge so you can layer it.
I know I said I was going to take the day off, but I think I will now make comments on my Bham student's paper.
I am thinking about going to see a film, but I'm not sure there's really anything I want to see. Perhaps I will just go to a corporate coffee shop and drink coffee and read. I need to get some souvenirs for the girls as well. Hopefully I can do that at the supermarket.
Being near the sea has been nice. It smells so good. In Matsuhama, I lived a ten minute walk from the sea and hardly ever went. Same in Fukuoka. While in Aberdeen, I've been twice a day. I like the sense one gets looking at the sea. Cannot be explained. We need to go out there with the kids sooner rather than later.
Tomorrow, Naomi goes back to school and hopefully we will have much less drama. I am going to take her all three times this week. No drama with Dad.
There's a really nice shopping centre at Union Square. I went to the Apple Store and saw all the new iPods. Amazing. I also went to Zara and this other really cool clothing store that I had never seen before, but was playing the killers. I was looking for a scarf: I found the one I wanted at Zara, but as it was £19, I kept looking and ended up with something nice from TK Maxx. Brownish and thin, but huge so you can layer it.
I know I said I was going to take the day off, but I think I will now make comments on my Bham student's paper.
11 September 2010
Aberdeen Trip, Day Four
The end of a conference is always a difficult thing for me. Apologies for bringing it back to food and eating again, but after both BAAL last year, and the conference this year in Amsterdam, I bought a package of cookies and ate them. Not a small package, mind you: like a proper roll of chocolate biscuits: probably 1,500-2,000 kCals altogether and just ate them all. This might seem odd: it seemed odd to me when I was doing it. You hate yourself when you do things like that. It’s such an embarrassing thing, but so secret and private. No one knows unless you tell them.
As the conference ended today, I felt the same sort of emptiness. The first part of this was because there was no lunch served and I was actually very hungry, but the other part of it, the thing I think I was unable to put my finger on in Newcastle last year or in Amsterdam was how these conferences work and the natural letdown you feel when they finish. We used to talk about this when we went on religious retreats: the retreat would end and Monday was always so awful. We thought it was the devil trying to bring us down from being so close to god.
The truth, it turns out, is that people (and me in particular, being that I am rather outgoing) actually quite like being with other people who they share common interests and beliefs with. At these conferences, you have this built-in closeness with the people around you. Everyone is interested in language. Most people are academics. Everyone understands the complexities of multilingual interaction and quite a few are in intercultural relationships, with bilingual kids. At a coffee break, you turn to anyone, and you start talking. About anything, about everything.
When the conference ends, it’s suddenly back to a very bleak, real world. When we finished today, I came back to the room, slept for an hour, and then went to the city centre to eat and look around. I had this desire to talk to people, everyone around me.
You also go from spending six hours a day or more listening to talks and thinking/ talking about big issues. This is pretty demanding and even though I love it, I need a break. I have a paper I have to read for one of my tutees and I just can’t do it now. I need to decompress.
So I walked and walked and walked instead of binge eating. After I recognised the problem, it was easier to avoid. I did eat lunch and sat at Starbucks with a huge cup of coffee and some shortbread and drank it very slowly, but I didn’t eat too much, or keep eating when I was full. There was, for a brief moment, nowhere to be, nowhere to go. I was upset that I didn’t book a flight back for earlier in the day, but I realised, checking my flight status for tomorrow, that the flight out of Aberdeen to Luton on Saturday was like at 1:30, so I couldn’t have taken it anyway. I’m on the next one which just happens to be on Sunday night.
There’s more.
Someone asked me yesterday, ‘Where are you from?’ In this context, it’s hard to deduce what they mean: do they mean where I live or where I come from originally? I said, ‘That’s a difficult question’ and was about to go on to clarify, but the woman laughed and said, ‘That’s a strange answer for me as an non-native English speaker. This is such a simple question.’ I explained the problem and she understood in the end. I asked another woman the same question today, and she laughed and said, ‘Do you mean where do I live now, or why do I talk funny?’ She was a Cambridge professor, lived in the UK for 30 years, but originally from Texas. The Texas accent never fades.
All-in-all, it was a successful trip for me in a lot of areas. Yoko once told me that at the end of your twenties beginning of your thirties, your style settles and you stop buying new clothes every year. Until then, she said, it was fine to buy cheap clothes, but when you settle, you should buy better clothes that will last. I feel like I am starting to settle. Part of it is fashion. Part of it is this new body that feels less burdensome than the body I had last year. Part of it is a confidence in the work I am doing. This all adds up to a sense of peace, of getting older. I like it quite a bit. I like that my shoes fit and I look in the mirror and am not unsettled with how I look. It’s a very tangible manifestation of how I feel inside.
I didn’t get a job for 2012, as I was hoping, but the groundwork is there and I am realising that I probably don’t need to worry about it. Or rather, that it’s fine to worry about it as worrying about it will drive me to succeed, but that things will probably work out. And with the food and the eating: the problems, when you look at where they come from, are solvable. You just have to make sure you are solving the right problem. Come Monday, I will need to stop this very small intake of food that I am at now, and level off. Quickly, actually, so I don’t dip too much further. I think that will be okay: I can more-or-less go back to what I was eating before, minus the binge eating. And weighing myself regularly. I need to get back into the academic mode come Monday as I have a French final and preparations for teaching at Middlesex in October to do. But tomorrow, I will take a day off, I think. Run on the beach a last time and maybe see a film. Family and work responsibilities will come back soon enough.
As the conference ended today, I felt the same sort of emptiness. The first part of this was because there was no lunch served and I was actually very hungry, but the other part of it, the thing I think I was unable to put my finger on in Newcastle last year or in Amsterdam was how these conferences work and the natural letdown you feel when they finish. We used to talk about this when we went on religious retreats: the retreat would end and Monday was always so awful. We thought it was the devil trying to bring us down from being so close to god.
The truth, it turns out, is that people (and me in particular, being that I am rather outgoing) actually quite like being with other people who they share common interests and beliefs with. At these conferences, you have this built-in closeness with the people around you. Everyone is interested in language. Most people are academics. Everyone understands the complexities of multilingual interaction and quite a few are in intercultural relationships, with bilingual kids. At a coffee break, you turn to anyone, and you start talking. About anything, about everything.
When the conference ends, it’s suddenly back to a very bleak, real world. When we finished today, I came back to the room, slept for an hour, and then went to the city centre to eat and look around. I had this desire to talk to people, everyone around me.
You also go from spending six hours a day or more listening to talks and thinking/ talking about big issues. This is pretty demanding and even though I love it, I need a break. I have a paper I have to read for one of my tutees and I just can’t do it now. I need to decompress.
So I walked and walked and walked instead of binge eating. After I recognised the problem, it was easier to avoid. I did eat lunch and sat at Starbucks with a huge cup of coffee and some shortbread and drank it very slowly, but I didn’t eat too much, or keep eating when I was full. There was, for a brief moment, nowhere to be, nowhere to go. I was upset that I didn’t book a flight back for earlier in the day, but I realised, checking my flight status for tomorrow, that the flight out of Aberdeen to Luton on Saturday was like at 1:30, so I couldn’t have taken it anyway. I’m on the next one which just happens to be on Sunday night.
There’s more.
Someone asked me yesterday, ‘Where are you from?’ In this context, it’s hard to deduce what they mean: do they mean where I live or where I come from originally? I said, ‘That’s a difficult question’ and was about to go on to clarify, but the woman laughed and said, ‘That’s a strange answer for me as an non-native English speaker. This is such a simple question.’ I explained the problem and she understood in the end. I asked another woman the same question today, and she laughed and said, ‘Do you mean where do I live now, or why do I talk funny?’ She was a Cambridge professor, lived in the UK for 30 years, but originally from Texas. The Texas accent never fades.
All-in-all, it was a successful trip for me in a lot of areas. Yoko once told me that at the end of your twenties beginning of your thirties, your style settles and you stop buying new clothes every year. Until then, she said, it was fine to buy cheap clothes, but when you settle, you should buy better clothes that will last. I feel like I am starting to settle. Part of it is fashion. Part of it is this new body that feels less burdensome than the body I had last year. Part of it is a confidence in the work I am doing. This all adds up to a sense of peace, of getting older. I like it quite a bit. I like that my shoes fit and I look in the mirror and am not unsettled with how I look. It’s a very tangible manifestation of how I feel inside.
I didn’t get a job for 2012, as I was hoping, but the groundwork is there and I am realising that I probably don’t need to worry about it. Or rather, that it’s fine to worry about it as worrying about it will drive me to succeed, but that things will probably work out. And with the food and the eating: the problems, when you look at where they come from, are solvable. You just have to make sure you are solving the right problem. Come Monday, I will need to stop this very small intake of food that I am at now, and level off. Quickly, actually, so I don’t dip too much further. I think that will be okay: I can more-or-less go back to what I was eating before, minus the binge eating. And weighing myself regularly. I need to get back into the academic mode come Monday as I have a French final and preparations for teaching at Middlesex in October to do. But tomorrow, I will take a day off, I think. Run on the beach a last time and maybe see a film. Family and work responsibilities will come back soon enough.
10 September 2010
Aberdeen Trip, Day 3 cont.
Well, my presentation went really well. I had a problem exporting my file in the morning: panicked a bit, but everything worked out. The presentation was (very?) well attended with like 20-25 people: one of the most attended I have been in so far, at least. At the beginning I blanked for about three seconds: in my mind this was a huge thing that was probably just a blip, but I pulled it out of the ditch and got going. People asked good questions and three or four people have found me out during the breaks since then to say they enjoyed it. The session chair came and sat next to me at lunch as well: he's from Lancaster which is also on my list of places I want to work, so it was nice.
And I wore my bowtie. I owned it. OWNED it.
Now I can relax. I've run out of business cards though. Stupid to forget those, right?
And I wore my bowtie. I owned it. OWNED it.
Now I can relax. I've run out of business cards though. Stupid to forget those, right?
Aberdeen Trip, Day 3
Just got up and ran again.
Things have been going well. I found myself talking to someone last night whose work I had been looking at just earlier this week. We talked at a wine reception for about a half hour, about a lot of different things. Certainly a good person to know, personally and professionally. I then managed to have my kebab (ate the bread, so it wasn't technically a salad), but avoided the sauces and the chips. I came home without buying other food, meaning that I am keeping on target.
I have my presentation this morning, but more than before, I have really practiced it a couple of times and think I know what I want to say, completely. We'll see though.
Things have been going well. I found myself talking to someone last night whose work I had been looking at just earlier this week. We talked at a wine reception for about a half hour, about a lot of different things. Certainly a good person to know, personally and professionally. I then managed to have my kebab (ate the bread, so it wasn't technically a salad), but avoided the sauces and the chips. I came home without buying other food, meaning that I am keeping on target.
I have my presentation this morning, but more than before, I have really practiced it a couple of times and think I know what I want to say, completely. We'll see though.
09 September 2010
Aberdeen Trip, Day 2 cont.
Well, I got some sleep last night. The dorm mattress ain't great, but what can you do. Anyway, I got up and ran to the North Sea. It was fabulous. I will be spending a lot of time at the sea while I'm here, methinks.
Breakfast was good and now I need to go off to register and spend the rest of my day listening to how to teach English better.
Breakfast was good and now I need to go off to register and spend the rest of my day listening to how to teach English better.
Aberdeen Trip, Day 2
Well, it still feels like day one because I haven't been to sleep yet, but I have made it to Aberdeen AND I got the Internet working on my computer. A small feat, as it was like a thirty step process.
My flight was delayed by two hours which meant I got in around 11 and took the last bus into the city. I had plans to take the bus and walk to the university, but the whole time I was contemplating just taking a freaking cab. It would have been much easier, but no, I stuck to my plan, and walked from the city centre to the university: about a half hour. It was nice enough: not really that cold here. Very misty. Very beautiful, from what I can tell.
Anyway, I am going to get up in 5 hours to run, or at least that's the plan. I made it through my first day not eating too much: only four to go. I think (think) that I have changed my eating pattern enough in the short run at least to be okay. We'll see though.
The Internet! Glory!
My flight was delayed by two hours which meant I got in around 11 and took the last bus into the city. I had plans to take the bus and walk to the university, but the whole time I was contemplating just taking a freaking cab. It would have been much easier, but no, I stuck to my plan, and walked from the city centre to the university: about a half hour. It was nice enough: not really that cold here. Very misty. Very beautiful, from what I can tell.
Anyway, I am going to get up in 5 hours to run, or at least that's the plan. I made it through my first day not eating too much: only four to go. I think (think) that I have changed my eating pattern enough in the short run at least to be okay. We'll see though.
The Internet! Glory!
08 September 2010
At work?
I wasn't supposed to come into work today, but the stars aligned. I came to look for my watch, but it's not here, so it should be at home somewhere. Whatever, I need to work on my presentation and transcribe some videos.
This morning, I woke at 6, which seems to be the way things are going now. I got on the scale to see how I was doing and I was at 74.7, meaning that I am still losing weight and will have to, when I get back home from my trip, start to eat more. There's no way around it. I'm obviously worried about this and falling off the wagon, but my clothes are getting loose and I need to stay healthy. It's a long way to underweight, but I never really wanted to be skinny. Just healthy.
So I went running, had breakfast and got ready to take Naomi to school. I told her again and again about what the plan was:
And I left. And they haven't called to say she melted down. So. Success?
Complicated, I thought I was walking to Aldi to see if they had frozen fruit: things are so damn complicated. How do we all get what we need and want. How does the family negotiate everyone's needs.
When my brother left for college in... it must have been '97 (correct me if I'm wrong, DeWalt)? Anyway, our family for like 4 months was completely thrown into a malaise. We moved to Chicago and nobody knew what to do with this giant gap in our lives. It was hard: all the relationships had to readjust. Naomi going to school 12 hours a week is certainly nothing like this, but the centre of gravity is going to start to shift again, I think. Language in the house will start to change: the girls will speak to each other in English. They will be more busy: they have things going on every day of the week now. This will hopefully afford me more freedom, less responsibility to keep everyone entertained all the time. Maybe I'll read a book.
This morning, I woke at 6, which seems to be the way things are going now. I got on the scale to see how I was doing and I was at 74.7, meaning that I am still losing weight and will have to, when I get back home from my trip, start to eat more. There's no way around it. I'm obviously worried about this and falling off the wagon, but my clothes are getting loose and I need to stay healthy. It's a long way to underweight, but I never really wanted to be skinny. Just healthy.
So I went running, had breakfast and got ready to take Naomi to school. I told her again and again about what the plan was:
- We would go together
- I would wait a little while
- I would leave
- She would play and have a snack
- Mommy would come pick her up
And I left. And they haven't called to say she melted down. So. Success?
Complicated, I thought I was walking to Aldi to see if they had frozen fruit: things are so damn complicated. How do we all get what we need and want. How does the family negotiate everyone's needs.
When my brother left for college in... it must have been '97 (correct me if I'm wrong, DeWalt)? Anyway, our family for like 4 months was completely thrown into a malaise. We moved to Chicago and nobody knew what to do with this giant gap in our lives. It was hard: all the relationships had to readjust. Naomi going to school 12 hours a week is certainly nothing like this, but the centre of gravity is going to start to shift again, I think. Language in the house will start to change: the girls will speak to each other in English. They will be more busy: they have things going on every day of the week now. This will hopefully afford me more freedom, less responsibility to keep everyone entertained all the time. Maybe I'll read a book.
07 September 2010
Things I plan to do in Scotland
- Run every morning
- Eat a kebab salad
- Walk on the beach of the North Sea
- Not eat too much (more coffee, fewer biscuits)
- Read some of Part III of 1Q84
- Try not to feel too bad about leaving my family for a couple of days
- Kick ass in my presentation
- Wear a bow tie one day
- Get a great job for October 2012
06 September 2010
Rebounding
I didn't rebound this morning: kept losing actually (a bit). I didn't change anything yesterday, really. I was a little less careful about what I ate, but still a really big loss in kcals for the day. Still, I was really surprised at how different I felt. It wasn't a burden any more. We went to the Japanese church service (see next paragraph) and there was a ton of cakes and candy and I decided before it started how much I would eat and then ate that much. Didn't fight with myself at all. In the next week, I'm going to be around a lot of food and I'm a bit worried, as losing weight was only a part of this: the real goal was to get control of my body, which is much harder to quantify and much harder to do.
The Japanese church met for the first time after the summer break yesterday. It wasn't at our house, so we road bikes out there. I have been going back and forth about my attendance of church: I have been going to the services to support Yoko, but I'm sort of done with it. Anyway, yesterday it seemed like it would be good for me to go, that even if I didn't want to, it was going to help make more peace in the house, which I'm always up for. It was strange though, as they started singing, I was comfortable, much in the way I was comfortable in Japan at church. We are not English, and I feel so cut off from England as a place with a culture. It's like I live in a bubble here. But the Japanese community is a place that we both fit in, albeit in different ways. So it was nice to just be there and be with those people. The religious element of it, so long as I allow it to be what it is, can be lived with, I think. I left feeling like there were other people out there, if that makes any sense.
Naomi started school today: it went okay. It's going to take some time to adjust and we didn't leave her at all. Yoko and Naomi ended up coming home like halfway through, but Naomi seemed to enjoy playing. On Wednesday, I'm going to take her and spend the whole time, if I need to, but I think at some point, we just gotta leave her. It's hard though.
I never went to school as a kid and walking with Naomi today, it was strange to experience it. I didn't have any idea what she felt. She will just barely remember it, I imagine. But it was nice. She is slowly going to gain some independence, and that will make it all easier. When I thought she would be there for three hours today, I thought Yoko and I might go to the supermarket with Mei, just the three of us: I imagined that in two years, they will both go to school and Yoko and I could get coffee for a couple of hours once a week, seeing as I don't (and won't ever) have a real job. Nice, I thought. Very nice.
Other things, complicated things, going on, but I am going to have to leave them for now, as there are preparations to be made for my trip to Scotland. I lost half a day today, will lose half a day on Wednesday, and tomorrow, I am doing some world Englishes thing where I am interviewed about how English is viewed in my culture. Lots to do, lots to be done.
The Japanese church met for the first time after the summer break yesterday. It wasn't at our house, so we road bikes out there. I have been going back and forth about my attendance of church: I have been going to the services to support Yoko, but I'm sort of done with it. Anyway, yesterday it seemed like it would be good for me to go, that even if I didn't want to, it was going to help make more peace in the house, which I'm always up for. It was strange though, as they started singing, I was comfortable, much in the way I was comfortable in Japan at church. We are not English, and I feel so cut off from England as a place with a culture. It's like I live in a bubble here. But the Japanese community is a place that we both fit in, albeit in different ways. So it was nice to just be there and be with those people. The religious element of it, so long as I allow it to be what it is, can be lived with, I think. I left feeling like there were other people out there, if that makes any sense.
Naomi started school today: it went okay. It's going to take some time to adjust and we didn't leave her at all. Yoko and Naomi ended up coming home like halfway through, but Naomi seemed to enjoy playing. On Wednesday, I'm going to take her and spend the whole time, if I need to, but I think at some point, we just gotta leave her. It's hard though.
I never went to school as a kid and walking with Naomi today, it was strange to experience it. I didn't have any idea what she felt. She will just barely remember it, I imagine. But it was nice. She is slowly going to gain some independence, and that will make it all easier. When I thought she would be there for three hours today, I thought Yoko and I might go to the supermarket with Mei, just the three of us: I imagined that in two years, they will both go to school and Yoko and I could get coffee for a couple of hours once a week, seeing as I don't (and won't ever) have a real job. Nice, I thought. Very nice.
Other things, complicated things, going on, but I am going to have to leave them for now, as there are preparations to be made for my trip to Scotland. I lost half a day today, will lose half a day on Wednesday, and tomorrow, I am doing some world Englishes thing where I am interviewed about how English is viewed in my culture. Lots to do, lots to be done.
05 September 2010
04 September 2010
03 September 2010
That's a lot of blood...
Yesterday, I rode my bike home from work and was unpacking things. Yoko said to me, do you want to hear some bad news? And I was like, Well, no, but tell me anyway. And she was explaining to me that the kettle blew up earlier in the day, causing a small fire on the counter. As she was describing this, Mei toddled into the kitchen and fell into a wooden stair stool that we have in the kitchen.
It was one of those falls that looked like no problem, but suddenly Mei was really, really screaming and there was a ton of blood coming out of her mouth. A lot. You know how mouths are though. Anyway, Yoko picked her up and was trying to find where she had cut herself. When she finally got Mei to open her mouth and mopped up the blood, it looked like she had a pretty serious gash in her bottom lip.
I saw it and thought it looked bad, but knowing the mouth to be very quick to heal, I thought, Well, if it stops bleeding it will be fine. We got cotton on it, but Yoko was pretty worried about it and I, not knowing anything about this, thought, Okay, okay, let's go to the hospital.
So we got in the car and drove down to the hospital, but by the time we got there, Mei had stopped bleeding and actually fell asleep. This didn't seem like an emergency anymore, but luckily, at the hospital, they have a walk-in clinic, so we opted to go there and just have a GP look at it to be safe.
The walk-in clinic was full of teenagers, doing what exactly, I don't know. We signed in and like 10 minutes later the GP saw us. He said to Naomi, 'What's your name?' and she answered, 'Naomi' which sort of shocked me: she tends to be sort of nervous about speaking to strangers in English especially. Anyway, the GP was incredibly kind, took one look at the cut and was like, 'This is fine, she'll be fine.' And I said, Well, how do we know when to take her in or not, in the future? And he was like, It's up to you, it's no problem if you need something checked out.
So we left and went home and had dinner and it was over — another win for the NHS.
It was one of those falls that looked like no problem, but suddenly Mei was really, really screaming and there was a ton of blood coming out of her mouth. A lot. You know how mouths are though. Anyway, Yoko picked her up and was trying to find where she had cut herself. When she finally got Mei to open her mouth and mopped up the blood, it looked like she had a pretty serious gash in her bottom lip.
I saw it and thought it looked bad, but knowing the mouth to be very quick to heal, I thought, Well, if it stops bleeding it will be fine. We got cotton on it, but Yoko was pretty worried about it and I, not knowing anything about this, thought, Okay, okay, let's go to the hospital.
So we got in the car and drove down to the hospital, but by the time we got there, Mei had stopped bleeding and actually fell asleep. This didn't seem like an emergency anymore, but luckily, at the hospital, they have a walk-in clinic, so we opted to go there and just have a GP look at it to be safe.
The walk-in clinic was full of teenagers, doing what exactly, I don't know. We signed in and like 10 minutes later the GP saw us. He said to Naomi, 'What's your name?' and she answered, 'Naomi' which sort of shocked me: she tends to be sort of nervous about speaking to strangers in English especially. Anyway, the GP was incredibly kind, took one look at the cut and was like, 'This is fine, she'll be fine.' And I said, Well, how do we know when to take her in or not, in the future? And he was like, It's up to you, it's no problem if you need something checked out.
So we left and went home and had dinner and it was over — another win for the NHS.
02 September 2010
01 September 2010
The end of the day
I have transcribed three videos today and worked on my presentation for next week, so I feel as though I have earned a moment to blog. My blog entries, when I wait like I do for so long, become a potpourri of all the boring bits of my life. I'll try to be brief.
My dataset is growing, but it is looking to be fascinating and multi-facilitated. I'm really pleased with how it is coming together and how I solved this problem. I think my dataset solution is interesting and allowing me the space to find what it was that I am looking for. I have marked about 40 videos now for transcription, and transcribed a good number of them (25%?) already. Once you have the template down, it's easier to do. Then it's just a matter of metaphorically putting your nose to the metaphorical grindstone.
I studied French hard in August and am taking two weeks off. I will study very, very narrowly for the final for two weeks ahead of it, but that's all that I'm going to give to it. Tired of wasting my time on something that is not going to help me at all in the long run.
Last night, at 4 in the morning, I was rocking a screaming Mei and thinking to myself, I feel awful. I have felt awful for about six weeks, as I have taken on this austerity plan towards my weight. Feeling like I was (I feel a bit better now), I am glad that come next week, I will be on a plane to Aberdeen and not have to think about my lack of eating all the time. When you work alone at your desk, it's very hard to put not eating out of your mind. It's been good to have to do it this way, I suppose, I can learn it. But still. My body feels healthy, but I am weak and tired and ready to be stronger. It's been affecting my outlook on the world too: made me shorter with my wife and kids. It needs to be done: I need to stop hovering around being overweight for the rest of my life, but anyone who tells you that you can lose weight without feeling crappy doesn't know what they're talking about. You will feel crappy. Nature of the beast: your body is eating itself, for god's sake.
But I need to get away next week: clear my head and work on my networking for a job in 2012. I had this vision today, as I took a walk by the river after listening to Christians and atheists argue all day, of getting a job in a new department that will be opening that year and securing a position this year. It would take so much stress away. It won't happen, but... a girl can dream.
I shouldn't complain. We are on target. I survived August despite not getting the pay from Birmingham I had expected: now I will have a good couple of months financially, minus of course the needs of the car and the trip, but I realised that our trip to Spain is a vacation. I shouldn't count it as a cost: it's a chosen expenditure because of the work I'm doing. It's for our enjoyment--we're doing it because we can afford it. Spending money on enjoyment once a year is not a bad thing. It's not getting the car fixed. It's not a new visa. I need to be more positive.
I wanted to blog all day, but I have lost all my thoughts and energy. Oh well, one more week and I'll feel better. I promise.
My dataset is growing, but it is looking to be fascinating and multi-facilitated. I'm really pleased with how it is coming together and how I solved this problem. I think my dataset solution is interesting and allowing me the space to find what it was that I am looking for. I have marked about 40 videos now for transcription, and transcribed a good number of them (25%?) already. Once you have the template down, it's easier to do. Then it's just a matter of metaphorically putting your nose to the metaphorical grindstone.
I studied French hard in August and am taking two weeks off. I will study very, very narrowly for the final for two weeks ahead of it, but that's all that I'm going to give to it. Tired of wasting my time on something that is not going to help me at all in the long run.
Last night, at 4 in the morning, I was rocking a screaming Mei and thinking to myself, I feel awful. I have felt awful for about six weeks, as I have taken on this austerity plan towards my weight. Feeling like I was (I feel a bit better now), I am glad that come next week, I will be on a plane to Aberdeen and not have to think about my lack of eating all the time. When you work alone at your desk, it's very hard to put not eating out of your mind. It's been good to have to do it this way, I suppose, I can learn it. But still. My body feels healthy, but I am weak and tired and ready to be stronger. It's been affecting my outlook on the world too: made me shorter with my wife and kids. It needs to be done: I need to stop hovering around being overweight for the rest of my life, but anyone who tells you that you can lose weight without feeling crappy doesn't know what they're talking about. You will feel crappy. Nature of the beast: your body is eating itself, for god's sake.
But I need to get away next week: clear my head and work on my networking for a job in 2012. I had this vision today, as I took a walk by the river after listening to Christians and atheists argue all day, of getting a job in a new department that will be opening that year and securing a position this year. It would take so much stress away. It won't happen, but... a girl can dream.
I shouldn't complain. We are on target. I survived August despite not getting the pay from Birmingham I had expected: now I will have a good couple of months financially, minus of course the needs of the car and the trip, but I realised that our trip to Spain is a vacation. I shouldn't count it as a cost: it's a chosen expenditure because of the work I'm doing. It's for our enjoyment--we're doing it because we can afford it. Spending money on enjoyment once a year is not a bad thing. It's not getting the car fixed. It's not a new visa. I need to be more positive.
I wanted to blog all day, but I have lost all my thoughts and energy. Oh well, one more week and I'll feel better. I promise.
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