26 August 2005

Johnny Cash is the shit

First I want to reiterate for everyone who has missed it the last couple of times I've said it, Johnny Cash is the shit. He is more than the shit. He is like everything we have been waiting for that was always in front of our eyes.

Today, I remembered this: a while back, like thirteen years ago, in the newspaper, there was this article about evolution. Back then I was obviously towing the Evangelical party line as I was only 12 or whatever, but for some reason I took it upon myself to write a letter to the editor about it and the letter got published. Yeah, no shit. I forget what the letter said, but I remember calling evolution a "myth" and something about having both sides of the story represented.

We were Baptists that year. I remember Baptist church mostly for AWANA that's Approved Workman Are Not Ashamed, the Christian boy and girl scout club. We had Bible drills, that one girl whose name I forget but whom I was sure I loved and couldn't live without even though we had never talked, and peeing my pants before the service once. I only want to elaborate on one of these things because the others are either too boring or too embarrassing. Probably all you people who grew up outside of the church (or weren't Baptist for a year) never had to do Bible drills, but here's how it goes. A woman (usually a fat, obnoxious, loud woman with a shirt that read "JESUS SAVED ME!") would shout out "Psalm 34:3!" which is, of course, a book, chapter and verse from the text, and we, the kiddies, would quickly thumb through our Bibles to find the verse. The first one to find it won and got some sort of prize. I don't remember reading the Bible verse after we found it, but that wasn't the point.

Anyway, I've also written a couple of letters to celebrities, with varying degrees of success.

New Orleans needs to get the fuck out the way out of this hurricane. No two ways about that. Or better yet, when they have to make a New New Orleans which is inevitable, let's build it, you know, on land, instead of picking a patch of ocean we like and filling it in with dirt. Seems basic, I don't know.

Something nice? This. Please, file this dude under "Pat Robertson and Other Assholes I Think Are Ruining, Not Only Their Lives, But My Yahoo News Reading Experience." Although, I do like to give an occasional read to www.godhatessweden.com. Wait! I hate Sweden too! Those, you know, Swede Bastards.