19 April 2006


I'm going on my first biking trip in May. My planned course is 250 km in 2 days. I met a really nice pastor from the island who said I could hang out at his house for a night so I might try to do that. Should be an fucking good time and also a good time for me to collect my thoughts about the impending marriage.

Impending sounds negative. I wonder why. I think I'll check the corpus. Searching for words in a corpus is good fun if you like words and collocation and that kind of thing. I personally think collocation is sexy, but that might just be me. A search of "Impending" gives us:

A9F 347 `;The number of members has, over the last few days and weeks, dropped more dramatically than a barometer before an impending typhoon.';
ABD 1329 They have lost no time in sounding the alarm about an impending famine, which they say threatens 1.9m people.
AJ8 511 Molly Picon was born on June 1, 1898, in New York, where her parents had
fled from an impending pogrom.
A6D 776 The situation was further complicated by those like Stubbes and Perkins who saw dress contusion as symptomatic of impending social collapse, and those like James I whose hatred of female cross-dressing introduced a misogynistic factor which antedated current social anxiety yet found a powerful focus in it.
Okay, not an impending marriage. But don't tell Yoko that I have a crush on Jane Sunderland. It's like, I'm doing my research and I'm wondering if anyone has thought of X and it's like, yes, Jane Sunderland has and she's written a effing book about it. I even e-mailed her.

One of my friends tried to off herself this weekend with sleeping pills. Well, not really off herself. She didn't take nearly enough to do any damage and it became terribly clear that she just wanted everyone to come to the hospital and feel sorry for her. They didn't even have to pump her stomach. It was odd because Yoko and I went to the hospital, and when Yoko went out to the waiting room to talk to her family, I was left there, at the side of her bed trying to think of what to say. I realized that this whole world around us is a novel that is unfolding, every minute, story upon story, and if I had a kind of net, I could catch all of them and condense them and make everyone feel what I felt sitting there. The clock, the doctor, her mother finally coming in to check on her.

The stories she tells are always only 5% of the truth. There is 95% of the story she doesn't tell. So you have to fill it in. What was really said. Did the glass really break. When you are with her, you are always trying to recover the truth and if she wasn't a real person with a real IV in her arm, it would be fascinating. I want to disappear, become the wall and just watch, but for now, that doesn't seem like an option and the stress is wearing on Yoko. Not on me. I'm an asshole, I could care less. But Yoko really cares and its hard to see her care more about someone's life than they care about their own life.