Well, I went to the GP today to have my man problems looked into. I was sort of bummed out yesterday: I called to make an appointment and the earliest they said they could see me was on Monday. I could be dead by then, I thought, the NHS has finally failed me. Today, I called again, as I was encouraged to do and, sure enough, there was an appointment this morning.
I saw the female doctor who saw Mei in December and had really helped us out. She vaguely recognised me and got me taken care of after examining me: blood test and urine test for, rather than cancer, what seems to be an infection. The examination was much more discreet than in the States. She asked if I wanted a chaperone present, and I was like, I think we'll be okay. She made me undress behind a curtain and hold a towel while she wasn't directly examining me. Not really that necessary, I thought, but it was nice that she was careful about it.
So I got my blood test done, will turn in my urine tomorrow, and she will call me on Monday to tell me what's up. The NHS succeeds again, after a slight bit of perceived shakiness on my part.