06 September 2010


I didn't rebound this morning: kept losing actually (a bit). I didn't change anything yesterday, really. I was a little less careful about what I ate, but still a really big loss in kcals for the day. Still, I was really surprised at how different I felt. It wasn't a burden any more. We went to the Japanese church service (see next paragraph) and there was a ton of cakes and candy and I decided before it started how much I would eat and then ate that much. Didn't fight with myself at all. In the next week, I'm going to be around a lot of food and I'm a bit worried, as losing weight was only a part of this: the real goal was to get control of my body, which is much harder to quantify and much harder to do.

The Japanese church met for the first time after the summer break yesterday. It wasn't at our house, so we road bikes out there. I have been going back and forth about my attendance of church: I have been going to the services to support Yoko, but I'm sort of done with it. Anyway, yesterday it seemed like it would be good for me to go, that even if I didn't want to, it was going to help make more peace in the house, which I'm always up for. It was strange though, as they started singing, I was comfortable, much in the way I was comfortable in Japan at church. We are not English, and I feel so cut off from England as a place with a culture. It's like I live in a bubble here. But the Japanese community is a place that we both fit in, albeit in different ways. So it was nice to just be there and be with those people. The religious element of it, so long as I allow it to be what it is, can be lived with, I think. I left feeling like there were other people out there, if that makes any sense.

Naomi started school today: it went okay. It's going to take some time to adjust and we didn't leave her at all. Yoko and Naomi ended up coming home like halfway through, but Naomi seemed to enjoy playing. On Wednesday, I'm going to take her and spend the whole time, if I need to, but I think at some point, we just gotta leave her. It's hard though.

I never went to school as a kid and walking with Naomi today, it was strange to experience it. I didn't have any idea what she felt. She will just barely remember it, I imagine. But it was nice. She is slowly going to gain some independence, and that will make it all easier. When I thought she would be there for three hours today, I thought Yoko and I might go to the supermarket with Mei, just the three of us: I imagined that in two years, they will both go to school and Yoko and I could get coffee for a couple of hours once a week, seeing as I don't (and won't ever) have a real job. Nice, I thought. Very nice.

Other things, complicated things, going on, but I am going to have to leave them for now, as there are preparations to be made for my trip to Scotland. I lost half a day today, will lose half a day on Wednesday, and tomorrow, I am doing some world Englishes thing where I am interviewed about how English is viewed in my culture. Lots to do, lots to be done.