03 May 2012

Why fail when you can succeed

As anyone who has clicked the 'Thesis' tab on the top of this blog knows, I have been feverishly trying to complete my thesis ahead of schedule, to submit on 1 August. This was supposed to have a lot of good knock-on effects for my job search, getting my viva done on time, and getting the hell out of dodge all before my funding expired. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), this is not, simply not, going to happen. I had a supervision meeting yesterday that last two hours and documented where I was and where I needed to be and how long it was going to realistically take me to get from where I am to where I need to be. That timeline has me submitting sometime between 21–28 September. Crash. Bang. Explosion.

That sound you just heard was the sound of my ambitious goal falling apart. Looking at your watch at Mile 10 and going, No, there's no way I am going to break 3:30:00.

The meeting was, in a lot of ways, the most awful thing, but in a lot of ways the most comforting thing. My supervisors were supportive, but honest: that's what I need. I was, as usual, a bit frustrated with myself and my inability to present my thoughts in writing as clearly as I thought I had. The discussion was something like, 'You need to do X' and me thinking, 'But I thought I was doing X.' I'm not. I need to go back, try again, do better.

The timetable doesn't, actually, look that different except that there are another 7–8 weeks at the end to tidy up... And my draft will go to the supervisors at the beginning of August, so two weeks becomes four.

Why I had set the bar so high in the first place, I don't know. I mean, I do know, but I think I need to be a little less... hard on myself about it. It will be okay.

And only two or three more supervision meetings left.